so you have two cows...

One of the great aspects of where I'm currently working is the people I meet. Like this past weekend... a gentleman who I'll call Mr. X, most likely out of the Italian mob, pulled out his little black book and recited this:

so you have two cows...

DEMOCRACY -- REPRESENTATIVE: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes one of them and
gives it to your neighbor.

NEW DEAL: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes.

NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

LIBERAL: You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to the poor.

LIBERTARIAN: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.

FASCISM: You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and the government sells it.

COMMUNISM -- RUSSIAN: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Then the governement sends you to prison.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both cows. The government sells the milk in government stores. You can't afford the milk. You wither away.

AGNOSTIC: You have two cows. Big deal, you have two cows.

BUDDHIST -- ZEN: You have two cows. You think about what to do with them. They die of starvation.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. You recycle the milk and give it back to the cows.

WELFAREISM (REDISTRIBUTIONISM REVISITED): You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else who doesn't know how to milk it.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.