some excerpts...
GUESTBREAKER: You (Unironically) Call Things Gay
Ok, its one thing that you are find it unacceptable for me, as a male, to attend spinning classes, so what? I like pretending to ride bikes in a hot, sweaty room with techno blasting, but how did you describe it? Did you really just say “that’s sooo gay”? Really? Are you aware that that stopped being OK after you graduated from high school? Wow, its also “gay” that I’m really upset about it? You make me sick...
Your Slutty Halloween Costume
Um, a white tube top and a white miniskirt? That’s your costume? That doesn’t make you a “sexy angel,” that just makes you sexy. Sunglasses and a bra doesn’t make you a “hot cop,” it just makes you a skank with weakened nighttime vision. And putting a sash over your underwear doesn’t make you a beauty queen, it makes you a target for a sex crime. Please drape my jacket over your shoulders so you can be “Sexy Decreased Chance of Being Assaulted.”
GUEST(FRIENDSHIP)BREAKER: You Watch The Hills Or Any Related Spinoff
Oh yeah I know, I love this show too. Can’t wait till Joel McHale chimes in with all the zingers. Wait a tic, this clip has gone on far too long. Is this MTV?? Wait what? What do you mean you can really relate with Lauren Conrad? What the fuck are you talking about you hate Heidi for choosing Spencer over her friendship with Lauren?! And how in the HELL do you know all of their names by heart? You wish you looked more like Audrina? Is that the one with fake tits? Oh excuse me, I wasn’t previously aware they all have fake tits, allow me to be more specific—-the one with the fake tits and dead eyes? Wait——-why won’t the channel change? OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THIS A DVD?!?! Give me that friendship braclet back!
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