Cocktail Recipes for the RecessionGone are the Cosmopolitans and pomegranate martinis—bartenders are designing a whole new breed of cocktails for 2009….
Long Island Iced 401-K
Put hopes in shaker. Add dreams. Shake until dashed, then drink all the vodka, gin, tequila and rum left in liquor cabinet.
Bull Market Shot
Pick up lots of checks because you think the glass is half full; when you find it’s actually half empty, take a single shot to the head.
Broke & Tan
Fall asleep in yard on weekday, wake up sun-burned and so dehydrated that anything tastes good.
Princeton Bitters
Pour two ounces of vodka into a cocktail shaker. Lament fact that you moved into a smaller house to pay for your son’s college education and, since he couldn’t get a job and he’s now twenty-six, he’s living on your couch. Eyeing your son as he works his Wii, pour two more ounces of vodka into shaker. Serve with a grimace.
Nasdaiquiri
Add a dozen IPO’s to portfolio, wait until bubble bursts, drink all day every day.
BlackBerry Sling
Discover that your BlackBerry doesn’t work because you haven’t paid the bill. Sling it against the wall, then buy a pre-paid phone and make some rum in your toilet.
Bloody Maria Bartiromo
Squeeze four packets of McDonald’s ketchup and one packet of pepper into a glass. Mix with eight ounces homemade hooch. Drink while you watch the “Money Honey” on a TV in the window of a Circuit City that’s going out of business at the end of the month.
Tequila Slumlord
To avoid foreclosure, rent the other bedrooms in your condo to migrant-farm workers; steal their booze when they go out to work.
Trickle Down Punch
Let last drops of liquor trickle from spent bottles at recycling center into plastic cup. Serve with shame.
(via: The New Yorker)
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