Friday, May 15, 2009

Maybe You Shouldn't Buy That

A collection of the most expensive and most worthless items in the world.

This is the Planet Eclipse Argyle Ego9 Marker, a $5001 paintball gun covered in over 11,000 Swarovski crystals. Why the extra $1? Because the previous most expensive gun, the Aurora Nexus Ego, was retailed at $5000. It simply wouldn’t be the manly sport of paintball if you couldn’t have two companies having a dick measuring contest over who can get more sparkly crystals on their gun.

Often times, I’m left to wonder why my bed is grounded to the floor like a commoner. Thank the skies for heroes like Jan Jaap Ruijssenaars and his magnetic floating bed, priced at $1.54 million. Nothing will make your erectile dysfunction as a result of magnet poisoning quite as exciting as floating inches above the ground. Welcome to tomorrow!

How can you make a cool but entirely-too-common phone properly show how quickly you’re going to judge everyone whom you come across? By lining it in gold, slapping some little diamonds on it, and making the center button a 6.6 carat diamond. Such is the Apple iPhone 3G Kings Button, retailing for about $2.4 million. Once we can find protection for it in the form of a case made entirely of Tyrannosaurus bone and the feathers of the Dodo bird, this phone will be ready for regular usage.